life is different without you...

life is extra monotonous without you. I just miss having crazy fun times and emo times together even if we look insane or ridiculous! Seggy, best! I miss you! =( Muli na ka! here's something for you!

wait there's more!

and not only that

since we're kids at heart para sa tin yosi na yan!hahaha!:P

I miss you best! bff!!!:) I'm giving you all the lame fun reasons to go home here in pampanga!haha! yehey! uwi na si beckla sa 22!aha!:)

when i say goodbye... i really mean GOODBYE!

i'll write my post in a very vernacular way! tagalog, english o capampangan man yan!la na ko pake! hay nako! I just can't believe that I happened to ditch someone who really SO much to me to the point na sinasabihan na ko na yung utak ko napunta na daw sa talampakan ko dahil sa katangahan ko... but then all stories must have their endings. And all sentences MUST have their periods at hindi ellipses.

December 31, 2009 - I was again WAITING IN FREAKIN' vain para sa text nung hombre na yun since it seems that the person somehow left a word few days before that... it was my birthday and i've got to admit that it was my loneliest birthday i've had so far... "MIPAKANANU ya kaya ing buguk???" (in tagalog? napano kaya yung gagong yun?) then my bestfriend told me the very hurtful and ugly truth na in fairness talaga, YUN NA ANG NAGPAGISING sa ken... kailangan ko lang siguro talaga ng bonggang pukpok para dun... madami na daw akong pinalampas.

My so-called lame excuse? eh tinatry ko naman makipagdate sa iba but very unfortunate lang talaga na di nagwowork... (buti di pa dumating sa point na maniwala na ko sa destiny!bwahahaha!)

Getting back, ayun i said NO FORMAL GOODBYES! basta GOOD BYE kung GOODBYE! ang daming beses ko ng sinabing goodbye sa kanya pero wala naman nanyayari... kaya nung dumating 12 am january 01, 2010, DELETE GALORE ang baklita sa lahat lahat! delete galore ko siya sa FACEBOOK, yahoo messenger, sa phone ko, sa email ko, at pati sa friendster na matagal ko ng di binubuksan.

Bakit? Let's put it this way. 2010 na! magbagong buhay na! game over na dapat kung game over. and i have run out of reason to talk to him so why bother di ba?haha! and mas maganda na rin na wala akong naririnig o nakikita tungkol sa kanino man tungkol sa kanya.WHATEVER! HAHA! that's an old school theraphy called IWAS PUSOY!haha! and besides, im super used and was happy even if he was not around... I just hate making things complicated or I just hate the phrase "it's complicated". ayoko lang talaga ng mga komplikadong bagay sa masaya't tahimik kong buhay.haha! and no more reason to hold on...

BITTERNESS IS THE BEST POLICY?? excuse me! hahaha! sa una OO! pero ngayon hindi na! hahaha! after I did those deleting thing, i felt some relieveness within my system. Feeling ko tama lang ginawa ko at dapat matagal ko na daw ginawa yun. and I just happened to discern na ayoko pala sa ABS-BITTER HERBS and kay BITTER OCAMPO!hahahaha!

At dahil dyan may nagtext:

yeah right! that was january 02, 2010 when that "person" greeted me a happy birthday... at siyempre number na lang yun. hehe! at the back of my mind, nag greet pa tong taong to noh eh tapos na special day ko.haha! Oh well reply ng lola? Who's this? and when I got his response.. ayun that was really it. I did not say goodbye as in literally goodbye but Im so sorry for being a ruthless bitch for my response to him... I only did that to finally PUT A PERIOD in OUR story. Kung baga sa school subjects, WE HAVE CHEMISTRY BUT NOW WE ARE HISTORY! LOL!

krayola khomeini (cry cry) ang baklita but i said to myself that it will be fine... sometimes it's good to give up on something because I believe better opportunities will come my way. Yak! pang miss universe?? hahaha!

at least I realized di pala ako ganong ka-tangengot!hahahaha!

those freakin' 3 words

I just happened to discern that I haven't told these three words to someone special for three years straight! beat that!hahahaha!:P

I still have a heart but I believe it's been obsolete for quite some time. wahaha!

sobrang cheesy talaga! LOL!

bored lang ako! :P

why do you let me stay here?

I've been staying and running away from you all these years yet, you've never answered my question on why do you still letting me stay here somewhere?? I mean somewhere with you??ooops, you've never given me valid sensible answer. All of it were a shallow response. Errrr!

"Why don't you sit down right here and make me smile?" -from the song Why do you let me stay here by She and Him

naaaahhh... I'm just missing you so bad and I hope this kind of floating anxiety or whatever you call it will just pass by the moment I wake up; just like before so that I can't reminisce something about you. I just hate you for that!Errrr!

the so-called prayer and releasing some $%^&*

I'm looking forward to finish school and to live life alone. ALL ALONE. It's hard to deal with people who are narrow minded and who can't discern things. There is no room for us to point fingers on what the F happened since the damage has already been done. Instead, why can't they look at the efforts that the person is making to correct that mistake? There's always a price for every action made. Endless regrets that MUST really end. Consequences that are priceless. Lessons learned that are timeless. Anyway, how much more do I have to pay for the sh*t I've made? I wish and pray God will strengthen my back, give me more courage and wisdom to work on payments for those debts of sh*t. Loads of prayers have been made and continuously being made for me to surpass all of these; praying everyday for those narrow minded crowds will be showered with enlightenment and realizations for both if us so that forgiveness will take place and resentments will come to an end. Lord, please grant my prayers as your gift for xmas, my b-day and new year!

OMG!

I've been hell sick within these past few days... I hate being absent but most of the time I am not heck of a hypocrite if I admit that I no longer enjoy what I am doing and this is all about work... OMG! Would you believe I am taking my vitamins and as far as I know I eat the right amount of meals I have to take but still my blood pressure is too low (90/60) and on top of that, right now I got no voice, I am coughing so hard, having bad colds as well, fever and bruises! deym!!! I am thinking if I am going to quit work due to health reasons. Besides I'll be going back to school this 2nd sem as a promised that I left to my parents. jeeeezzzz!!!! God make me and my family healthy but not fat and sickly!!!! OMG!

self-proclamation

I have to admit I am pretty procrastinating. I want to do things that will have best results during the end of the day or whatever. The problem is I always have this thing wherein courage is backing out of the picture thinking I might mess up again.

My status right now is still floating. Clueless. However, I am very glad that I have to face the things I escaped two or three years ago and face those people who had a VERY different perceptions against me. Anyway, I don't give a damn since I am not going to earn a dime from them or WHATEVER! At least I've already done the 1st step, right?

"Mabait ka na ba?" asked by one of the professors I've talk to. I just answered "Yes, matagal na po..."

Things changes but sometimes it's just a bit devastating when you left a bad mark that might last a lifetime and you never know if that kind of perception will still change. Does it matter? For people like me and my gayest bff we don't care at all since what matters most is we don't mess up anyones ass for no reason at all.

I've badly messed up my life way back. And as they say, you learn your lessons the hard way. For me it was the VERY HARD way. Now, I was just thinking twice thrice or 100 times before making a decision. Weighing those things thinking which is NOT good but questioning each scenarios what in the hell is the BETTER thing to do so that it can have a BETTER consequence/s in the future. I am still imperfect and I am not even attempting to be perfect. Being procrastinating is not that bad especially if you're just thinking about better things to do before doing it. And the reason behind that is because I just don't want a f*cked up life-again. GOT it??ha ha!