why do you let me stay here?

I've been staying and running away from you all these years yet, you've never answered my question on why do you still letting me stay here somewhere?? I mean somewhere with you??ooops, you've never given me valid sensible answer. All of it were a shallow response. Errrr!

"Why don't you sit down right here and make me smile?" -from the song Why do you let me stay here by She and Him

naaaahhh... I'm just missing you so bad and I hope this kind of floating anxiety or whatever you call it will just pass by the moment I wake up; just like before so that I can't reminisce something about you. I just hate you for that!Errrr!

the so-called prayer and releasing some $%^&*

I'm looking forward to finish school and to live life alone. ALL ALONE. It's hard to deal with people who are narrow minded and who can't discern things. There is no room for us to point fingers on what the F happened since the damage has already been done. Instead, why can't they look at the efforts that the person is making to correct that mistake? There's always a price for every action made. Endless regrets that MUST really end. Consequences that are priceless. Lessons learned that are timeless. Anyway, how much more do I have to pay for the sh*t I've made? I wish and pray God will strengthen my back, give me more courage and wisdom to work on payments for those debts of sh*t. Loads of prayers have been made and continuously being made for me to surpass all of these; praying everyday for those narrow minded crowds will be showered with enlightenment and realizations for both if us so that forgiveness will take place and resentments will come to an end. Lord, please grant my prayers as your gift for xmas, my b-day and new year!

OMG!

I've been hell sick within these past few days... I hate being absent but most of the time I am not heck of a hypocrite if I admit that I no longer enjoy what I am doing and this is all about work... OMG! Would you believe I am taking my vitamins and as far as I know I eat the right amount of meals I have to take but still my blood pressure is too low (90/60) and on top of that, right now I got no voice, I am coughing so hard, having bad colds as well, fever and bruises! deym!!! I am thinking if I am going to quit work due to health reasons. Besides I'll be going back to school this 2nd sem as a promised that I left to my parents. jeeeezzzz!!!! God make me and my family healthy but not fat and sickly!!!! OMG!

self-proclamation

I have to admit I am pretty procrastinating. I want to do things that will have best results during the end of the day or whatever. The problem is I always have this thing wherein courage is backing out of the picture thinking I might mess up again.

My status right now is still floating. Clueless. However, I am very glad that I have to face the things I escaped two or three years ago and face those people who had a VERY different perceptions against me. Anyway, I don't give a damn since I am not going to earn a dime from them or WHATEVER! At least I've already done the 1st step, right?

"Mabait ka na ba?" asked by one of the professors I've talk to. I just answered "Yes, matagal na po..."

Things changes but sometimes it's just a bit devastating when you left a bad mark that might last a lifetime and you never know if that kind of perception will still change. Does it matter? For people like me and my gayest bff we don't care at all since what matters most is we don't mess up anyones ass for no reason at all.

I've badly messed up my life way back. And as they say, you learn your lessons the hard way. For me it was the VERY HARD way. Now, I was just thinking twice thrice or 100 times before making a decision. Weighing those things thinking which is NOT good but questioning each scenarios what in the hell is the BETTER thing to do so that it can have a BETTER consequence/s in the future. I am still imperfect and I am not even attempting to be perfect. Being procrastinating is not that bad especially if you're just thinking about better things to do before doing it. And the reason behind that is because I just don't want a f*cked up life-again. GOT it??ha ha!

feelings nothing more but feelings

nahhh...it is just a song but anyway it correlates with the topic I want to tackle here... It's just one of the blues clues that I have discerned as I am growing up. Haha! I never thought I could still progress myself in this way "growing up". ha ha ha! I fell in love with an "unsuitable" person and all these years I thought I still feel the same way... My brother and friend Tam was correct, "Emotions are so dynamic that it can change within a snap!" Oh well to cut these blog short, I just want to say- I ammmmm soooo overrrrr ittttt, darling! And I'm happy to inform this fact to the public especially to that person. Life is indeed funny. ha ha!=)

the frog!

this is me kissing the freakin' frog!LOL! (feeling!)hahahaha!

this is a frog...bow!

I never thought I could kiss one new frog again after me and the previous frog messed up due to some issues we had... I honestly hate frogs (literal na frogs ha) but men are always like that... They are like freaking frogs that you should treat and perceive them as frogs. Simply because majority of them are worthless. Ooopss sorry sa iba dyan but I am not generalizing that ALL men are like sh*ts or frogs or whatsoever. It's just one of the misfortunes that I had been making a mistake kissing frogs because I know that they still have a good heart within them, that they might transform into being a prince... Sadly, they are still ASSHOLES!ha ha!

the tat...bow!

I can't decide if I'm going to put that tattoo on or not... UNDECIDED!