those freakin' 3 words

I just happened to discern that I haven't told these three words to someone special for three years straight! beat that!hahahaha!:P

I still have a heart but I believe it's been obsolete for quite some time. wahaha!

sobrang cheesy talaga! LOL!

bored lang ako! :P

why do you let me stay here?

I've been staying and running away from you all these years yet, you've never answered my question on why do you still letting me stay here somewhere?? I mean somewhere with you??ooops, you've never given me valid sensible answer. All of it were a shallow response. Errrr!

"Why don't you sit down right here and make me smile?" -from the song Why do you let me stay here by She and Him

naaaahhh... I'm just missing you so bad and I hope this kind of floating anxiety or whatever you call it will just pass by the moment I wake up; just like before so that I can't reminisce something about you. I just hate you for that!Errrr!

the so-called prayer and releasing some $%^&*

I'm looking forward to finish school and to live life alone. ALL ALONE. It's hard to deal with people who are narrow minded and who can't discern things. There is no room for us to point fingers on what the F happened since the damage has already been done. Instead, why can't they look at the efforts that the person is making to correct that mistake? There's always a price for every action made. Endless regrets that MUST really end. Consequences that are priceless. Lessons learned that are timeless. Anyway, how much more do I have to pay for the sh*t I've made? I wish and pray God will strengthen my back, give me more courage and wisdom to work on payments for those debts of sh*t. Loads of prayers have been made and continuously being made for me to surpass all of these; praying everyday for those narrow minded crowds will be showered with enlightenment and realizations for both if us so that forgiveness will take place and resentments will come to an end. Lord, please grant my prayers as your gift for xmas, my b-day and new year!

OMG!

I've been hell sick within these past few days... I hate being absent but most of the time I am not heck of a hypocrite if I admit that I no longer enjoy what I am doing and this is all about work... OMG! Would you believe I am taking my vitamins and as far as I know I eat the right amount of meals I have to take but still my blood pressure is too low (90/60) and on top of that, right now I got no voice, I am coughing so hard, having bad colds as well, fever and bruises! deym!!! I am thinking if I am going to quit work due to health reasons. Besides I'll be going back to school this 2nd sem as a promised that I left to my parents. jeeeezzzz!!!! God make me and my family healthy but not fat and sickly!!!! OMG!

self-proclamation

I have to admit I am pretty procrastinating. I want to do things that will have best results during the end of the day or whatever. The problem is I always have this thing wherein courage is backing out of the picture thinking I might mess up again.

My status right now is still floating. Clueless. However, I am very glad that I have to face the things I escaped two or three years ago and face those people who had a VERY different perceptions against me. Anyway, I don't give a damn since I am not going to earn a dime from them or WHATEVER! At least I've already done the 1st step, right?

"Mabait ka na ba?" asked by one of the professors I've talk to. I just answered "Yes, matagal na po..."

Things changes but sometimes it's just a bit devastating when you left a bad mark that might last a lifetime and you never know if that kind of perception will still change. Does it matter? For people like me and my gayest bff we don't care at all since what matters most is we don't mess up anyones ass for no reason at all.

I've badly messed up my life way back. And as they say, you learn your lessons the hard way. For me it was the VERY HARD way. Now, I was just thinking twice thrice or 100 times before making a decision. Weighing those things thinking which is NOT good but questioning each scenarios what in the hell is the BETTER thing to do so that it can have a BETTER consequence/s in the future. I am still imperfect and I am not even attempting to be perfect. Being procrastinating is not that bad especially if you're just thinking about better things to do before doing it. And the reason behind that is because I just don't want a f*cked up life-again. GOT it??ha ha!

feelings nothing more but feelings

nahhh...it is just a song but anyway it correlates with the topic I want to tackle here... It's just one of the blues clues that I have discerned as I am growing up. Haha! I never thought I could still progress myself in this way "growing up". ha ha ha! I fell in love with an "unsuitable" person and all these years I thought I still feel the same way... My brother and friend Tam was correct, "Emotions are so dynamic that it can change within a snap!" Oh well to cut these blog short, I just want to say- I ammmmm soooo overrrrr ittttt, darling! And I'm happy to inform this fact to the public especially to that person. Life is indeed funny. ha ha!=)

the frog!

this is me kissing the freakin' frog!LOL! (feeling!)hahahaha!

this is a frog...bow!

I never thought I could kiss one new frog again after me and the previous frog messed up due to some issues we had... I honestly hate frogs (literal na frogs ha) but men are always like that... They are like freaking frogs that you should treat and perceive them as frogs. Simply because majority of them are worthless. Ooopss sorry sa iba dyan but I am not generalizing that ALL men are like sh*ts or frogs or whatsoever. It's just one of the misfortunes that I had been making a mistake kissing frogs because I know that they still have a good heart within them, that they might transform into being a prince... Sadly, they are still ASSHOLES!ha ha!

the tat...bow!

I can't decide if I'm going to put that tattoo on or not... UNDECIDED!

Rencesism

What if this is the picture I put in my resume?haha!

WILL YOU KINDLY TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF THAT IS NOT WRITTEN IN YOUR RESUME???

(just imagine that the person interviewing me is taking a good look at my resume with pic.)

MA'M here are the reviews that people has for me... read it you @#%$^&^%&^%!!!google it if you want!haha!

The first EVER publication of Leona Clarence Marie was done last December of 1985. It sparkled of with an undoubted lady who has a very contradicting way of thinking, completely obnoxious, funny and yes weird. very weird.
She's brought a contemporary impromptu jokes and of course never ending arbitrary of gay lingos which has always been part of the new era. Somehow she managed to look young since she's rumored she drink the potion of youth that she stole somewhere. Her interests lie within the curiosity of the make up ingredients of the alcohol and how a tobacco and cigarette was made, as well as how do enormously bad people live, obsessing about her shoes, room, and cleaning them almost everyday, not sleeping at times and an extreme laid back person whom you may catch at any park or somebody else's house. (whatever!) But what really impresses people is her ability to endlessly talk and listen to others about anything under the sun and the moon and have a better discernment at the end of such conversations. Living the moment, karma believer and trying not to have so many regrets as possible or NOT ANYMORE REGRET IT about the past except GRRRRRRRRRRR (WHATEVER!)...that one timE a numerous frogs came.... grrrrr! carpe diem is what clarence is all about...You may have numerous perspectives but this is a person you will not definitely miss or set her aside. duh!haha!

"A really must meet!"
Rolling Stones

"One who has all the ingredients of a smart person"
Newsweek

'Clarence kicks my ass when it comes to magic and I congratulate her for that'
David Blaine

"The first lady who has all the characters of becoming a jackass"
Fiction Magazine

'Extremely funny, Extremely Hilarious...A must meet'
New York Times

"She can be my assistant"
Barack Obama

"She's got a very healthy appetite for obnoxiousness"
Hollywood Reporter

"She has all the potentials be the next Sarah Silverman. She blews me away."
Ellen Degeneres

"She is an ass!"
Sarah Silverman

***

seriously???...

It's hard to have a description about oneself.. i believe I am numerous things being derived by numerous opinions.. one thing i am certain is that i'm ever evolving even at this very moment.. striving.. questioning.. savoring..

nakarelate daw oh!

jham, tentay, mara, kit, and the rest of the loveless and sawi community, nakakarelate naman ako nung napanood ko tong pelikula na to... ginoogle ko pa mga linyang yan.hahaha! oh my...whatsoever!!!


ngek! talagang nakarelate ako... leche!haha! anyway it's just a sidecomment I made here para kay jham!!!

mga punchline na...

"i need space!"

"Mahal na mahal kita, at ang sakit-sakit na."

how do you move on?

"Ui ano 'yan?"

"Bagong baby ni Popoy"

"Ako naman ang may gusto nito diba? Pero bakit ang sakit-sakit?"

"Ang totoo hanggang ngayon umaasa parin ako na sabihin mong ako parin. Ako na lang. Ako na lang ulit."

"She loved me at my worst. You had me at my best. And you chose to break my heart."


"Ten years from now, ganito parin kaya tayo?"
"Ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, forever and ever!"
"Promise?"
"Promise."

"I don't even know kung tama 'tong ginagawa ko, pero alam ko kailangan ko nang tapusin 'to."
"Basha, mahal mo pa ba 'ko?"
"Poy, I'm so sorry."

When love ends...

"Five years? Itatapon mo lang lahat?"
"Kailangan ko to, kailangan mo rin."
"Pero ikaw ang kailangan ko."

"If kaya pang ayusin pilitin. What if this is really what both of you need? Then just be strong. Magiging mahirap at masakit pero hopefully all the pain will be worth it."

how long should you hold on?

"Five seconds lng. Promise. Five seconds. One, two, three, please, five."

how soon should you let go?

"Not so nice to meet you."
"Malaki lang ang katawan mo pero 'di mo ko kayang patumbahin!"


Mga Pamatay na Linya sa "One More Chance"
I wanna stop wondering what if. I wanna know what is.

But you're asking for too much. Gusto mo mawala na'ko sa buhay mo.

Alam mo ba'yung three month rule, ha?! Lahat ng nagmahal at nasaktan alam 'yun! Kailangan mo muna maghintay ng three months bago ka magka-boyfriend ulit! Ba't ba kating-kati kang palitan ako?! May dalawang linggo pa'ko, eh!

Mahal na mahal kita...At ang sakit-sakit na!

I wish I could talk away all that makes you hurt. But I can't because you won't let me.

Mahal mo pa ba siya?
Ayokong nakikitang nasasaktan.
(She reaches out and softly closes his eyes.) Para kung masaktan man ako, hindi mo makikita...Mahal mo pa ba siya?
(He starts to sob) I'm sorry.


and mga churvalung ganon...whatever! but this line has an impact for me...

"My personal favorite...

"Siguro kaya tayo iniiwanan ng mga mahal natin dahil may darating pang ibang mas magmamahal sa'tin - 'yung hindi tayo sasaktan at paasahin...'yung magtatama ng lahat ng mali sa buhay natin".


hmph!!! yun eh!!yun yon eh!

fukkin emo mode that sucks a big time!

more blogs to come if and only if I'm not that sluggish to think, type or whatever... pretty heartsick right now... oh my effin God! I wanted to shout and everything for being such a big drunkard son of sissy beach! made a wrong move again, babe! but trying to forget it and not make such a big fukkin fuss about it but I am very ashamed for what happened... a divert therapy is a must. I don't need a another person to do the same thing all over again!!! God, I'm just so sick and tired of it... I can't fathom why I am having this kind of dismay right at this moment. I know it's my bad and I so admit my impulsive decision that led to a mistake... that right now... I'm afraid that "person" is GOING GOING GONE... :,(

a prayer...

"I Ask God
To Give Me Courage To Accept The Things I Cannot Change,
The Strength To Change The Things I Can
And The Wisdom To Know The Difference"

hangover with milkshakes all these years!

it is just one of these nights that i have these unbecoming thoughts of copying and pasting some lines that I found mesmerizing or simply intriguing. The author of the poem milkshakes is not definitely me. So, whoever is the writer or screenwriter of the movie Before Sunrise, my sincerest apologies. hehe!Anyway, I wouldn't post this if I don't find it beautiful. I read this poem a thousand times since I saw the movie.hehe..It was entitled MILKSHAKES since Celine (July Delpy) was drinking this beverage when she was walking along with Jesse (Ethan Hawke) then suddenly a stray poet approached them to give a title for a poem for him to write. In the end, they came up with these title Milkshakes... Before Sunrise is one of my favorite films and I give two-thumbs for it maybe because I am one of a heck of a frustrated lover around... jeeezzz! I hate to admit it but that is the truth...I'm still having my hopes up but no expecations to avoid devastation...haha!

Daydream delusion
Limousine Eyelash
Oh, baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet cakes and MILKSHAKES (laughs)
I am a delusion angel
I am a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don't want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we're going
Launched in life
Like branches in the river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current
I'll carry you. You'll carry me
That's how it could be
Don't you know me
Don't you know me by now

morning shitty blues!

Whoa! It took me really some time before updating this blog and majority of the articles I posted here were outdated. Pardon me for that! Updates? So far I got a new job and setting up my mind for new environment, not-so-new-people and of course new company. I apologize to some of the people if I told them different lame reasons behind my resignation but hope you do understand where I am coming from... LOL! I do love the company where I worked however due to some personal reasons, I ran out of motivation to go in for work and contemplated for a thousand times before making a final decision to just resign... I miss the people I worked with. I miss my co-senior reps, the agents I've handled and most of the people who were part of me during my stay... I really miss them a lot... *sigh!* I do believe that we still going to see each other or bump each other some time... a lot of things happened... still coping up with it... I just do hope and pray that all my endeavors will push through with the help of God... I'm glad I still have my family and friends with me who never fail to leave even if I always end up making the most absurd decisions in my life...*whew!*

my hang-over for before sunrise...

As I was reading a script of a movie I watched a long time ago, these song which happened to be one of the soundtracks of the said movie simply caught me. Its quite hilarious who in the heck sang or compose this song.Its just a line from a song by the way!haha!=) nah...this is just a random sharing thought.haha!To fully understand these lines, better watch Before Sunrise.I can't think of anything else to say but anyhow here it is:

There's a wind that blows in from the north,
And it says that loving takes it's course.
Come here. Come here.
No I'm not impossible to touch,
I have never wanted you so much.
Come here. Come here.
Have I never lay down by your side?
Baby, let's forget about this pride.
Come here. Come here.
Well, I'm in no hurry.
You don't have to run away this time.
I know that you're jimmied,
But it's gonna be all right this time.

random act of boredom...haha!

Can you name 13 people you can think of right off the top of your head?
Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 13 people...
This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first...No Cheating!!!


1. Seggy

2. T.j

3. Jhen
4. Sheila
5. Ross
6. Karen
7. J.s
8. Pekisha
9. Jhong
10. Aguilus

11. Buloy
12. Nikita
13. Tentay

-------------------------------------------------------------------

How did you meet 10?

Haha! I met him thru Karen at Starbucks taft way way back...hahaha! It was a very hilarious story kung pano kami nagmeet but that was a very good start of a friendship!

Have you ever seen 4 cry?

Not yet hehehe! and I don't want to see her cry since she is a very beautiful young lady syempre mana kay sieg!hahaha!

Would 11 and 2 make a good couple?

Wahahaha! I don't think so...hahahahha!

Are you good friends with 13?

Yep yep... she is my h.s bff!:)

Do you think 5 is cute?

She is hot but sorry she is soooo taken!hahahah!:p

Something about number 1?

Awwww... my very loving and so irreplaceable bestfriend!!!I thank God he came to my life!naks!!!:) love you beki!!!:)

How did you meet 8?

I met #8 during college days... she was my blockmate and my very good friend as well! a dedicated journalist!naks!

What's 7's favorite color?

Haha! I don't know since he does not have any color theme or whatsoever that I've seen since the time I met him!hahaha!

What would you do if 6 just confessed that they liked you?

Oh my effin God, karen!!! hahahaha! my h.d ka pala sa ken all these years?hahahahha!

Fact about 9?

Whoa!Aside from the fact that he loves pasta and pizza (as far as i remember), this guy has a very good soul and deserves a person who will truly love him... He is a special person for me... cheesy!haha!

What does 1 do for a living?

Hopefully a future milyonaryong NURSE!:)

Would you ever live with 12?

Why not???!!hahahaha!:)

Is 2 single?

Yes and I think he's not yet ready to mingle..hehehe!

Where does 7 live?

In manila since his work is based there... but he is originally from Bulacan..hehe!

What do you think about 2?

WE both love each other!love you bakla!!!

Whats the worst and best thing about 5?

The only worst thing was what happened way back but now we're good and we do still keep in touch...:)

Who is 11 going out with?

Hahaha! no one... I think?? Not sure about it... but he told me that he is going to see his ex to see if they can save something like friendship or beyond that..hehehe!

What do you like about number 3?

She is one heck of a funny person!hahahaha!

me and the pink hearts

Let's sprinkle the hearts for the sweet people who truly deserve it!

How about matters of the heart?! We get whole again with someone special or let us put it this way that this person will complement your completeness as a human being which, in the end you will show everything specially the fact that he is the love of your life, but then how about you?? It sounds very devastating or even bitter if there is no one,right?! I did not only eat that bitterness, I believe I swallowed it as well including the pride. Bottom line is "No one deserves your grieving with someone you know who does not deserve it in the first place..."

Thank you for that person's honesty... May God bless that person for making me realize what the word worthy SHOULD BE!haha!


this is an outdated blog... i just posted it today...lol!

at last!

I finally bid goodbye and let go of this person who already became a part of me... I've never felt this good after all these years from the time I met him... May God bless him and good luck for all his endeavors he wants to pursue. It's goodbye...

P.S: I'm finally smiling since I finally learned how to let go of a thing that makes me happy and at the same time brought some misery at the latter part of it in which, before my so-called-thought-happiness will leave me, I have to be proactively leave it first before it will hit me so bad again and end up being hurt. God is really good in making some realizations that can really take some time before I discern it. At last, I realize that I am not THAT stupid after all! :)

to all wave ONE!!!

guys, happy anniversary to us!!!:) hehehe! from the temp site up to permanent site, we made it!yey! GOsh, ang mga pagpunta pa lang sa cr na mahigit 3 mins nun while training natin nun then the paint fumes na bonggang nakakahilo and the noise nung ginagawa ang mahiwaga nating site...wow!parang kelan lang ah! then remember the pink kutsinta and the almost 2 days or should i say 30 minute training sa flexpay??jeeezzz!haha! and TAKE NOTE:no y-jacks, and kahit ano pang eclavu na kasama nun!oh my GOd!haha! and remember the red hats from the U.S and iloilo and of course the mega liit pantry that we have na yung iba sa parking pa kumakain..grabe!hehehe!:) and remember the kick off summer party na after nun in-on set na tayo sa calls na parang mga nabuhusan ng tubig ang buong wave one?haha! there are so many changes..i miss those old days! ahhhh! basta one year na tayo!yun na yun! congratulations to all of us! and love you all!:) mwah!:)

23

oo 23 na ako last december 31,2008! hanep! tanda ko na naman... thanks to all of the people who remembered my birthday! and of course I would to extend my sincerest thanks to all of the people who celebrated my birthday with me and yung mga taong nag-effort pa para bisitahin ako dito sobrang appreciate ko yun... no material thing can ever replace what you did... you know who are! hehehe!


there is this one person I would like to thank since he made his promise come true except for the doughnuts but it is very ok. hehe! ;p I appreciate every single second that you were here with me. You made my advance birthday bash worth it because of your presence and again not even cellos and krispy kreme doughnuts or whatever gifts can ever top that. hehehe! it was one of the happiest moments in life that I will never forget. :) I sincerely thank God for making a way for us to see and be with each other even if for just more than 24 hours after not seeing each other at all after almost two years. I missed you and I really do... it is pretty overwhelming. hehe! anyhow, you have a great 2009 ahead and of course more wealth, good health to you and your family.


and for all the people who was with me the whole time around, a big THANKS! and i love you all! God bless ya'll! =)


"another message to that person..."


you still have my heart in which, it travelled and encountered a lot of things yet no matter what happens, it goes home right to you... many thieves have attempted to steal it in their own means yet you still have your own ways and a spell not to give it to them...


belated happy 23rd birthday to me!yey!hahaha!

seasons greetings and welcome 2009!

sorry late ang bati! ahahaha! anyhow belated happy xmas and a prosperous new year to all of you! hehehehe! ;p more walang kwentang blogs to come for all of my avid readers (if there is any...) hahaha!;p wish you all the happiness and successes in life!

xoxo

-Cla-

The trouble with love is, it can tear you up inside, make your heart believe a lie, it's stronger than your pride, the trouble with love is, it doesn't care how fast you fall, and you can't refuse the call... See, you got no say at all...

-kelly clarkson

Maybe this is from the cynic's point of view of love. We all dream to have a fairy-tale-happy-ending with a prince or princess to save us from distress. However, what if that person will only bring you that kind of distress in your existence? What if that person who is supposedly your angel in disguise is also the devil who will mess up your ass and leave you hanging when the time you fall so fast... There are no freaking guarantees, right? All you know is that, you love that person and that is the freaking call you can't refuse or decline even if that person has no idea that the love you've pondered for so many years do exists; even if you've parted ways and decided to move on from the love you've shared yet it ignites the moment you see each other. it's complicated but that is how it is...